37 Weeks.

Today, I’d have been 37 weeks pregnant if I didn’t give birth 3 weeks ago. I’m so glad that my baby is now with me, but at the same time, I still have those big fears. What if — you know — having a kid 6 weeks early is scary. And I’m still supposed to be pregnant. Looking at my baby sleeping in my borrowed bassinet beside me and thinking that he popped out 3 weeks ago while looking down at my belly that has since shrunken (with 20 lbs lost thus far; I have 15 or so to hit my pre-pregnancy weight and 70 or so to go until I hit my college weight, something I’m aiming to do) and then looking at the calendar where it says it’s only June 10th, I’m in disbelief that I’m already a mother with so little emotional preparation. (Thank you, fatigue, for that powerful sentence.) I had hoped to start preparing for it this month!

Having had a pretty rough third trimester with a baby who made it difficult to move my legs and torso, consequently affecting comfortable sleep (I’m actually getting more sleep than I was when I was pregnant, though that doesn’t say much), it’s a good thing he’s out of my tummy. I remember telling people that I had “a month and a half” to go and that I wish he’d come out sooner. When I meant “sooner,” I meant 3 weeks shy of my 40th week — you know, like today. At 37 weeks, I would have planned on begging my OB/GYN to induce me. I expected this to work according to schedule, but I laugh at the turn of events.

I’m thankful to God that he came out at 34 weeks as a healthy and happy kid. Of course, there are some challenges with an early baby, though, and most of it relates to food intake. For me, I’m still pumping as much as I can, but my brain and boobs weren’t prepared for an early baby and there isn’t much there to go around. If I’m lucky, I can make about 1 feeding a day. Sometimes it’s far less. Formula is his primary nutrition since it’s what comes in a more abundant supply, but it’s costly, and as soon as I prepare a meal for him, he’s fast asleep! Why is it that powder formula expires within an hour anyway? (Thank you, Enfamil, for milking me dry. I guess they’re right when they say babies are expensive, even if all they do is eat, sleep, and poop.)

Preparing myself emotionally obviously had to move to the fast lane, and I’m definitely getting acquainted. Waking up in the middle of the night for feedings isn’t the worst thing in the world, though it’s nice to actually sleep without pain for the first time since November and now that’s interrupted. I guess I’ll have to wait another few months until I can get a real night’s sleep again, eh?

I think my body is starting to acquaint to not being pregnant, a fact I didn’t feel last week when I reported about my experience with PUPPP, which is really an illness you get during pregnancy. I finally started taking Claritin as suggested by the dermatologist (and confirmed safe by my baby’s physician), and either the chemicals in the meds worked or time started healing — the itchiness is almost completely gone. And there are no more annoying bumps! It’s nice to be able to use my hands for more productive purposes, like writing blog posts.

Speaking of having hands, have you ever used a pumping bra? As a new mom, these products seem (and look) completely ridiculous, but wow, this thing is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Seriously.

So far, it’s been fun. I’m tired though — can’t you tell? And I just heard a cry — somebody’s hungry!