One of the biggest hurdles of motherhood for me is definitely communication with the baby. I’m having difficulty noticing what he wants and may be a little too impatient at times to even notice the cues. For example, someone brought to my attention that if I rub my child’s face when trying to feed him (mostly for the purpose of positioning his head in the right direction), he think I’m handing him a bottle and points his head even further in that direction to capture the [invisible] nipple.
I was totally in the wrong there. I learned that not from my child but from a licensed practitioner.
It brings me to this post because I’d like to ask parents what your tips and tricks are for understanding the baby.
A nurse told me that I’d be able to discern from his cries when he wants to be burped, when he’s hungry, and when he wants to be changed. I normally don’t hear him cry when he wants to be changed; I think he’s comfortable in the diaper. (Mmmm, stinky!) But I really do NOT know the difference between the longing for a burp and the longing for food. If you look on my blog’s sidebar and see the photo of him eating my nose (if you don’t see it, refresh a few times), that’s the way I’ve been trying to figure out if he’s truly hungry. He’ll normally try to suckle on my nose. It’s the cutest thing ever but it’s probably not the best way to go about determining hunger.
I’m stuck in these hurdles. Maybe I’ll overcome them, but maybe he’ll just grow up and I’ll have the same problem with another child.
I don’t really know when he wants to burp after a feeding. Occasionally, he’ll push his food away, but not always. (Sometimes, I assume that pushing a bottle out of the way means that he’s full. What do I know?) And I realized that when a nurse burped him previously, she was trying to ask him whether the burp was located in the lower body or upper body. Again, how does one person figure out what to do? More importantly, for me, how do you even know if he needs to burp? What if he doesn’t burp at all? It’s a challenge.
I’ve figured out one good trick that works 60-70% of the time with the baby though. I don’t normally burp by patting him on the back or by rubbing his back. Instead, I hold him by the sides and slowly move him from one of my knees to the other knee (and back and forth. The movement is subtle (but obvious) enough that it makes the burp come out rather quickly, something the impatient person in me appreciates. And nobody taught me that trick. 🙂
In general, though, I’d like to ask parents how they communicate with their child who is unable to speak. I feel lost, and I know I’m not entirely alone. So I open this post to comments from all parents to share their secrets. 🙂
I’m with you on the burping and the nappies. Biggest mistake we made was reading the internet forums rather than just going with your gut. I typed “How many times should i be changing my babies nappy?” in to Google and came up with numerous people (over-zealous mums) saying “Sometimes up to 20 times a day”. What a load of toss. Most we’ve EVER done is 10, and that was ridiculous – we average 4 or 5 a day. Unless he’s really upset, or STINKS, just let him be!
As for the burping… again, people said it’d take hours, but with Robs we tended to pat him for 5 mins, and if he hadn’t burped by then I’d assume he was okay. But to be fair to him, he didn’t have much of an issue with wind.
Loving the blog!
I agree with Henry; there is no need to over-change the baby. It is the nature of the beast – they pee in them!
Usually, they want food. If the diaper isn’t full, offer food. Then , if he refuses food check for gas. Otherwise, the baby may just want soothing. There is a lot of time in the beginning that you’ll just hold him and that makes it better. As time goes on, you’ll let him cry it out a tad. While not all parents believe in a full-blow CIO method, there is an element of truth to it. You cannot just hold the baby every single time he seems unhappy, or you won’t get to learn what he needs, and he won’t either. For example, if you have a baby who won’t sleep, but they know they only need to make a tiny bit of noise and you’ll pick them up, then of course they won’t sleep until you’re holding them.
I just always used the baby “order of operations” (just like in math class).
1 – Diaper (if not full or stinky, leave it and move on to step 2)
2 – Food (if food is refused, step 3)
3 – Gas (gas drops are great if that burp won’t come out)
4 – Soothe
5 – THEN start over. Sometimes after the soothing, he’ll be more receptive to the other things.
Adding more from our IM’s for memory’s sake 😉
Gas Drops – http://www.littleremedies.com/littletummys_gas.html
Saline Drops – http://www.littleremedies.com/littlenoses_saline.html
These are totally safe for newborns and both work like a charm.
Gas drops is a very small dose of the most common gas relief medicine (smithecone). It’s the stuff in gas-x, but it’s a dose for babies.
If he is throwing up/spitting up, that might help him. And if he throws up TOO much, then he might have a little reflux (it can last till about 9 mos or so) and there is (believe it or not) little baby zantac. But that’s all way far down the road after you try everything. No need to medicate w/something like zantac if the other gentler stuff works well.
As far as spitting up: keep him from laying all the way down or bouncing a lot right after feedings for a while. (You can use a “bouncer” chair – he won’t bounce himself – that will keep him in a more sitting position). That might help. Instead of patting the back to burp I simply rubbed in circles w/the palm of my hand for a few min at least. Then I would lean baby forward then back and amazingly burp and no throw up. If leaning fwd and back is a pain
I do hold baby up (tummy straight) then sit baby on my knee facing me (tummy bent). Also rubbing a little harder from the tail bone area all the way up the back gets those burps out too. My kids didn’t always burp, but if he’s spitting up he probably just needs more rubbing.
I think communication improves as the baby gets older. You really do learn to sort out what kind of cry is for diaper, what is for food, etc.
For us, especially at the beginning, we always offered food first since Audrey was (and is) so small. We try to get her as many calories as she’ll take.
One downside to our cloth diapers is that they don’t absorb the same as disposable diapers. As soon as they’re wet, she feels it. Cloth doesn’t have the chemicals to absorb like disposables do. Because of this, we really do change her diaper 10+ times a day. Babies in disposables can usually pee 2-3 (or more) times before they notice it’s wet and cry to be changed. Audrey feels the wetness and wants to be changed after every pee in her cloth prefolds. As a side note, if you end up ever using cloth and go with AIOs or other types, I’ve heard those kinds of diapers do have better absorbing abilities.
So I think a lot of it is just time, for both you to learn how the baby cries and for the baby to begin to cry in different ways. You’ll pick up on it soon!
I’m still totally conflicted. On one hand, they say that babies cry for 3 reasons: to be burped, to be fed, and to be changed. And yet, whenever I lie him down, he cries and feels better sitting up. Is that a normal thing to cry about? I assume it’s part of wanting to be burped, but sometimes he doesn’t seem to need a burp and still cries. I’m way too impatient and wish there was an easier way to communicate.