My name is Tamar and I’m a workaholic. Throughout my life, my focus was always about my “day job,” be it school or work. When I knew I was going to be a mother, I didn’t expect to change my way of life. In fact, before the baby was born, I told my supervisors that I’d take one week off of work if even that much. (I ended up taking a full day, if that counts for anything.) Then again, perhaps it helps that I’m not one of those 9-5 workers and I work crazy hours from home as I need.
For the most part, my life hasn’t skipped a beat since he was born. Three and a half weeks into my baby’s life, I’m working as a mother and also doing most of my regular work-related tasks. Granted, in the role I have, I get emailed by prospective clients all the time and I’ll take some of these jobs within reason (or at least consider them). I haven’t signed any major deals even though I have had one person email me several times asking me to get back to him with an actual commitment despite my insistence that I want to focus on motherhood first and that I’m on a semi-maternity leave. I guess that some people don’t realize that this is a full-time (with overtime) job in itself.
I work from home so I consider myself lucky. At the same time, though, given that I don’t have that official “full time job with benefits,” that means that maternity leave is how I define it and not how the government defines it. (To me, that means working all the time so that I get paid like someone on paid maternity leave does.) If I wasn’t a workaholic, my life would be 100% about my child and I wouldn’t be focused on the work I have laid out in front of me. Then again, my life is 100% about my child right now because I am working so that I can help put food on the table. We’re living in a society where that task is not only on the father anymore.
I work hard because I am serious about the tasks I perform and feel productive when I get things done. I also love what I do. I was working while in labor. I worked the day afterward. (The day off that I took was on Friday; I gave birth on Wednesday. I actually worked on Thursday!) I had always said that I put my career before my family and now I am putting that mindset to the test.
The weekend after I gave birth, someone asked me to complete a project for him and I had informed him that I was busy with my newborn son. He went ballistic! At that point, I was even angrier that my job as a mother was disrespected and I realized that the tide may turn — I may actually be a mommy before an employee — or I can learn to better manage the two. Now, three weeks later, I am starting to feel that I am getting a better handle of things, though I normally feel like I should drop everything when David cries, even if I’m busy doing something work-related.
Some people are baffled though. I remember responding to email less than a week after the birth of my baby. Colleagues of mine, who had heard the news elsewhere, were shocked that I made the effort to respond (and those who know me know I respond within 5 minutes of email receipt. It’s just something I do). After all, when some of these women became mothers, they avoided email entirely for 3 months. In Canada, they were able to avoid email for a year — apparently new mothers get paid leave for 12 months! (I’m jealous. I’d probably still work at a lower capacity though if given that choice.) Hey, working is in my blood — and I’m not at all disappointed that I still put the effort forth.
I wonder to myself if all my colleagues understand that life for me has not just made a slight shift but has changed drastically and will never go back to the way it was before. I will never have the same freedoms I had as a married woman without children. I don’t miss it too much, since life is changing for the better. However, I hope that my colleagues understand and respect that I am working extremely hard to get everything done under new circumstances and have had less sleep and a bit of frustration while trying to understand what a baby’s cries mean and how to be the best mother I can be. I hope that the work I put forth when I really should be on a more defined “maternity leave” is not being taken for granted. It’s really difficult. And I’m ready to tackle it and still be the best co-worker, consultant, and employee I can be.
I am dedicated to the work I do and I am dedicated to the job that I do. I feed from a bottle. I pump with the help of one of these. And I’m going to continue being a career-focused mother who also loves and will do anything for her family.
Tamar, it sounds like you are right where every new mom should be: figuring out how priorities fit into your own life. No one can define your priorities for you, nor should they try. Whether they say, “you shouldn’t work so much – you have a new baby” or they say, “don’t babies just sleep all day? Do my project!” they are not you and cannot define your new role for you. You will definitely find you are a mommy first, but that does not mean work will not hold the same importance. For example, when my kids are sick, my desire is to just stay home with them, and cuddle and make them better; not caring about who needs what elsewhere. But I don’t do that; I cannot do that. I find a way to get to work if at all possible. I make arrangements for my children to be cared for while sick, while I go to work. We have to have 2 incomes, and I am not ashamed of it.
I think having a good work ethic is commendable. I also think it’s normal to interact via technology during and after important moments in ones life. It is a great way to flesh out emotions, and a great way to let others who care about you know what is happening in your life, and even be there in spirit. Now “in spirit” is more like in technology.
I say you rock, and don’t let any haters get you down! 😉
Blimmin’ heck – Canadian mothers get 12 months full pay?! Find me my passport, I’m moving!